City of Hills, I mean Oaks

I signed up for City of Oaks Half Marathon back in the summer.  This was before one of my race buddies injured herself dancing at a wedding reception.  Then my local Y announced their fall season endurance running program.  This race was the goal race for the program.  Coincidence?  Maybe. 
I pursued the goal knowing I would be doing it alone.  A little awkward.  Hi!  I'm the loner girl wandering around pre-race with no friends.
Well technically I did know one person who would be there.  One of the girls I carpooled with in the 10 mile race.  She volunteered as a pace leader for the 2:20 group.  So the plan became: I should only see Amy before and after the race, but not during.
I arrived early to get a parking space.  I sat in my car to stay warm for as long as possible.  36 degrees is just a little chilly.  I made my way to the start line and chatted with Amy, as planned.  Then I made my way to the pace group I wanted to aim for.  For the first time ever I had my ipod for a race.  I only use one ear when I run just in case.  (I have only used an ipod for one training run - ever.)  And off we went.
Mile 1 - 10 seconds too fast
Mile 2 - 20 seconds too fast
Then my friend Steve is on a random street corner with his bike.  Yay!  A familiar face and a real spectator who shouts my name.
Things are moving along fine but there sure are a lot of hills. 
Halfway through the pace is averaging 15 seconds too slow.
By mile 8 I was not feeling great.  Muscles were good, no pain there.  I just wanted to puke, that's all.  I started taking short walk breaks, only about 50 - 100 feet.  And then I was off again at normal pace for another mile.  I tackled the remaining 5 miles like this.  It was manageable even though I was becoming really cranky with myself. 
I saw Steve again.  I told him I just wanted to finish and be done.  He assured me a PR was in the bag.  I was no longer checking my time.  I didn't care anymore.  The goal had passed long ago.  I told myself I was never doing another road race ever again.  The pressure to meet a time goal and set a PR was stupid.  I enjoy long training runs for the joy of running.  (I think is normal self-defeating thoughts processes that occur during long races.)
Going into Mile 12 passes the Y water stop.  Finally my people.  It was very uplifting to see people I knew.  I was much happier.   I wanted to tell the random lady next to me, "those are my people." 
Mile 13 - Yes!  The final mile.  Something took over.  Those walk breaks had allowed me to build up a reserve of unknown strength.  And I suddenly remembered - I get a medal!  I think this mile was my fastest of the whole race.  No one passed me.  I was picking off people left and right.  Rob Zombie is a good motivator.  Finally...done...thank god it was over.  Got my medal.  Got a bottle of water, banana, and bagel quarter.  I waited for Amy to come in with her pace group.  That part of the plan did work out.  And I did have a new PR on a much more difficult course too.  So it wasn't all bad.  I'm sure I could've done better if I hadn't let those evil self-defeating voices take over and allowed myself to be comfortable with nausea.  Maybe there will be another time.  Or maybe not.